Carson Dzuris

Carson Dzruis
Pledge Class	Liao Class, Spring 2014
Pledge Group	Group 11
Family	Loose
Big Bro(s)	Jason Bi

Family and Associations

• Sponsor(s): Vanessa Lau, Hung Nguyen
• Pledge Trainers: Ken Chow, Ryan Brown
• Groupies: Anne Nguyen, Julie Mai
• Big Bro: Jason Bi
• Little Bro: Kevin Liu

Offices and Positions

• S2K14 Liao Class: Pledge Service with Kara Brandt
• F2K14 Krenek Class: Alumni Secretary with Max Peng
• S2K15 Wu Class: SAA with Kevin Luong and Taylor Moxon

Random Facts

• When Alexander Bell invented the telephone, he had missed calls from Carson Dzuris
• Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Carson Dzuris is called Logic
• Carson Dzuris won American Idol using only sign language
• Carson Dzuris eats the core of an apple first.
• Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Carson Dzuris stories.
• Carson Dzuris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
• If Carson Dzuris smiled at you, you would put it on your resume.
• Once, a cop pulled over Carson Dzuris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
• Carson Dzuris is the reason why The Birds are angry
• Carson Dzuris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
• Carson Dzuris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
• There used to be a street named after Carson Dzuris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Carson Dzuris and lives.
• Carson Dzuris died 10 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
• Carson Dzuris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
• Did you know Carson Dzuris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.
• Some magicians can walk on water, Carson Dzuris can swim through land.
• When Carson Dzuris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.
• Carson Dzuris can eat rice with one chop stick
• Carson Dzuris ran the Boston Marathon backwards just to see what second place looked like.
• Carson Dzuris can cut through a hot knife with butter
• Carson Dzuris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
• Carson Dzuris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
• Carson Dzuris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
• Bill Gates lives in fear Carson Dzuri's PC will crash.
• Carson Dzuris can stare at the sun, and the sun gets blind
• When Carson Dzuris puts milk on Rice Krispies they keep quiet.
• Carson Dzuris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
• Carson Dzuris knows the letter after Z.
• Carson Dzuris wrote a book on how to read.
• Carson Dzuris can kill two stones with one bird.
• If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Carson Dzuris isn't playing.
• Carson Dzuris finished the Never Ending Story.
• Carson Dzuris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Carson Dzuris once drowned a fish underwater.
• Carson Dzuris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
• Carson Dzuris counted to infinity - twice.
• Carson Dzuris can't lose at dodgeball because the ball is nowhere stupid enough to hit Carson Dzuris
• Carson Dzuris had a fever once, Now we have global warming.
• Death once had a near-Carson Dzuris experience
• Carson Dzuris doesn't age. He levels up
• Kids go to bed with a teddy bear. Carson Dzuris goes to bed with a grizzly bear.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Carson Dzuris.
• Carson Dzuris was once stabbed by a knife, the knife bled to death.
• Carson Dzuris can slam a revolving door.
• When Carson Dzuris reads a Carson Dzuris Fact, he doesn't laugh. He simply nods.
• Carson Dzuris puts the laughter in slaughter.
• When Carson Dzuris went to the Virgin Islands, they became the Islands.
• If you have five dollars and Carson Dzuris has five dollars, Carson Dzuris has more money than you.
• Carson Dzuris can touch MC Hammer.
• If at first you don't succeed, you're not Carson Dzuris.
• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Carson Dzuris pajamas.
• When Carson Dzuris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
• Carson Dzuris can rob a bank by phone.
• Carson Dzuris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• Carson Dzuris can unscramble an egg.
• Carson Dzuris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
• Carson Dzuris can tie his shoes with his feet.
• Carson Dzuris threw a grenade and killed 50 people and then the grenade exploded.
• The only time Carson Dzuris was wrong was when he thought he made a mistake.
• Carson Dzuris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
• Some people break the law of the state. Carson Dzuris breaks the law of physics.
• Carson Dzuris doesn't actually have to eat. Food just uses his body for protection.
• Angelina Jolie adopts an orphan once a year. Carson Dzuris adopts an orphan once a minute.
• Stevie Wonder was the last person to stare Carson Dzuris in the eyes.
• Silly rabbit, Trix are for Carson Dzuris
• gmail@Carson Dzuris.com
• Carson Dzuris is the reason why Voldemort does not have a nose.
• If Carson Dzuris was on Minute to Win It, they would need 59 seconds of filler.
• Carson Dzuris has never had a surprise party. Because it is impossible to surprise Carson Dzuris.
• Growing up, Carson Dzuris had 4 pet turtles. We now know them as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
• They once made an Carson Dzuris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
• Carson Dzuris is what Willis was talking about.
• Carson Dzuris knows the last digit of pi.
• Carson Dzuris can hum dubstep songs.
• Have you seen Carson Dzuris's website? It's called the internet.
• Carson Dzuris once shot a home movie in his basement. After going through several titles, he settled with Star Wars.
• When Carson Dzuris looks into the mirror, his reflection asks him for an autograph.
• When Carson Dzuris comes to your house, you are the guest.
• When Carson Dzuris runs into Chewbacca, Chewbacca turns into Carson Dzuris.